![]() No one knows what the next second really holds. The coin of life can however turn within a moment of time and your expectations can become a big had I know and a night mare the vicissitudes of life can rob you at any moment of time. After all what you least expects can happen serendipity can visit you and stay with you forever at a twinkle of an eye. Well, it may not be so easy to take it easy but, take it easy! Stay focused and entrust your trust in God. Though we may or we may not be able to tell with certainty how our expectations would materialize. We all do have our expectations for today. There were so many things we expected yesterday which did not happen and what we least expected happened instead. I am so grateful for my friend Cat Stevens for bringing the man I need the most right now back to me.“Today is another day! Yesterday is gone but not its memories. ![]() Life is hard right now, for a multitude of reasons. Those memories are my most prized possessions. Music is really one of the only tangible things I have of my dad. I am so grateful I took the time as a shitty bratnosed kid to peel myself away from my computer and sit down with him and memorize his face, the way his hands looked when they played guitar, his three nubby finger tips, and all of his favorite songs. My father dying has made me take in the details of those I love, just a little bit more because the man I once believed would be immortal, met his mortality and I am so thankful for the music he gave to me. My father dying made me appreciate my mother so much because someday she will also be a stream of memories laden in heart shaped cakes, thrift store shops, awesome hugs, and beautiful smells. It makes us appreciate the living that much more. Death is the greatest lesson we learn about love, of this I am convinced. There’s so much about my Dad dying that has made me appreciate his abbreviated existence in my life in ways that I didn’t even realize while he was living. My memories of my Dad are so laden in music. I know so many of my Dad’s favorite songs and I am able to listen to them and be transported back to a time where I was sitting in the passenger seat of my Dad’s car driving to and from wherever we were going, listening to that music or sitting in his living room getting guitar lessons and learning how to play “Moonshadow” by Cat Stevens. We would drive in the car together and he would put on his Van Morrison and Cat Stevens CDs and make me listen to them. ![]() During my teenage years, I bonded with my Dad over music and over guitar lessons that he so patiently provided me. Don’t get it twisted, though–I still love a good Beyonce song. To this day, it is still my favorite kind of music. I was a huge Pink Floyd and Zeppelin fan, while most of my other classmates were listening to Top 40. Music is probably one of the biggest gifts my Dad gave me and the ability to appreciate music from another time. Ah, to be 14 and so full of angst! My Dad would teach me guitar on the weekends. Mama is my rock) so I would often find refuge from the requests of cleaning my room and washing dishes at my Dad’s house. My mom and I didn’t have the easiest relationship when I was a teenager (It’s great now though. When my parents divorced when I was 11, we went to see my Dad on the weekends. Weekends were always my time with my Dad, so that is probably why. I am not sure why weekends are the worse. ![]() I have spent many a morning since his death sitting in my car or sitting in my living room listening to his music to feel that sense of closeness. Weekends are when the side blinding pangs of grief tend to hit me the most and usually the hardest. It meant a lot to him for reasons I don’t know exactly but when I listen to the words, I can’t help but feel like he agreed with the lyrics and that perhaps they are the way he felt, maybe about his children? Maybe about his own life? I’m not sure. One of the ways that I have found them to be the most evident are by listening to songs that I knew my Dad liked, especially this one. It’s funny how regardless of where they may appear, the messages from my Dad are always around in ways that I find them easily accessible. My Dad loved Cat Stevens, especially the song Father & Son. ![]()
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